Jessa Zimmerman
Therapist, Author, SpeakerHelping couples take the stress out of sex
Hi, I’m Jessa.
I’m passionate about helping couples find pleasure and connection in their sex lives.
My Story
I am a licensed couples’ counselor and nationally certified sex therapist. I work in private practice in Seattle, WA. Over the course of my therapy career, I have focused almost exclusively on helping couples with their emotional and sexual intimacy.
In my years of clinical experience, I have treated hundreds of couples who have struggled to feel sexual desire and fulfillment. My clients describe having a good relationship in other ways, but their sex life has become difficult to the point that they start to avoid sex. These are people who love each other but are struggling to have a sex life they both enjoy.
I specialize in helping these couples who find that sex has become stressful, negative, disappointing, or pressured. I educate, coach, and support people as they go through my 9-phase experiential process that allows them real world practice in changing their relationship and their sex life.
I received my Master’s in Psychology from LIOS college of Saybrook University and Sex Therapist certification from the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT). I have done extensive training in couples’ therapy, with a focus on Crucible® Therapy with Dr. David Schnarch.
I am the author of “Sex without stress; a couple’s guide to overcoming disappointment, avoidance, and pressure.” I am the host of the Better Sex Podcast and have appeared on numerous other podcasts as an expert guest. I am a regular contributor in the media as a sex and relationship expert, including Mind Body Green, Marriage.com, Refinery29, and Business Insider.
I live in Seattle with my partner and youngest child of three.
My Values & Beliefs
I believe that sex is important.
Sex is important. When people are happy with their sex life, it makes up about 20% of their relationship satisfaction. But when people are unhappy with their sex life, its importance jumps to about 70% of their entire relationship satisfaction. When a couple struggles with sex, it can become a big issue and take a significant toll on happiness for the people involved. Our sexuality is a birthright. Expressing it can be an experience of pleasure, connection, playfulness, creativity and love. It taps into a life force that is powerful and healing. Being cut off from our sexuality or being unable to express it, alone or with others, separates us from a part of ourselves that matters.
There is no better way to grow as a person that doing the work it takes to be successful in relationship.
We can do a lot of personal work, but it isn’t put to the test until we’re trying to navigate and negotiate a relationship with someone that matters to us. Our partnership is where we are tested and challenged to grow and mature. Our intimate relationship is our opportunity to learn about ourselves and to transform how we act and react in order to be better people.
I believe that respect can involve challenge.
While people should confront themselves first, there is also room to respectfully confront each other. This shows we believe someone can do better; we’re speaking the best part of them that could respond and step up. If we avoid challenge and directness, we effectively treat someone as if they aren’t competent to hear us and receive our feedback.
My Approach
I have a tremendous amount of compassion for people struggling with sex. I know how much fear you can feel when things aren’t going well. It’s easy to think you’re broken or that you’re with the wrong person. It takes courage to admit that and to take steps to change the problem. I have so much respect and admiration for anyone who can step through that fear to reach out for help.
I value being kind, approachable, and yet direct at the same time. I am good at developing rapport and understanding with clients, and I quickly put people at ease, letting you know that it’s completely normal to struggle in your intimate life.
I want to spread hope with the message that sex really can be easy. It’s possible to change how you think about sex – what it is, what it’s for, and how it goes – so that you cannot fail at it. Once you get there, sex can be stress-free and playful. My goal is to make the world a better place, one relationship at a time. Not only does out happiness increase, but we’re more able to make our own impact in the world when our relationship is solid.
Interviews
TV Interviews
Let's Talk Live, WJLA - Holiday Stress
Valentine's Day - How to invest in your relationship
Good Morning Washington, WJLA - Is your passion crashin'?
Radio
- The Daily Drum (WHUR): Can your relationship survive the holidays?
- Love, Lust & Laughter: Sex Without Stress, Part 2
- Love, Lust & Laughter: Sex Without Stress, Part 1
Video
Podcast Appearances
- Grapefruit and Granola: Tips for improving your relationships
- This is why you're single: Sex without stress
- Beautifully Equipped: Sex myths and intimacy barriers
- SuperPower U: Manifesting
- Health Reporter: Sexual intimacy
- Sexology: Signs of a healthy sex life
- Keepin' It Juicy: Sex over 50
- Sacred Psychology: Sex and intimacy
- Divorce Survival Podcast: Let's talk about sex
- Women in the Middle: Midlife, mindfulness, and sex
- I Do Podcast: Avoid these common sex life pitfalls
- Real Souls: Sex, myths and porn
- I Do Podcast: New relationship rules
- Smashing the Ceiling: Sex, shame and sexual games
- Science of Self Help: Sex therapy with Jessa
- Sexy Marriage Radio: When sex feels like work
- Thrival Nutrition: Improving your sex life with your partner
- Dream Permit Podcast: Keeping sex alive in marriage
- Heart & Hustle: What I do as a sex therapist and Why!!
- Naked Conversations: Better sex with Jessa Zimmerman
- Piloting Your Life: Removing expectations and redefining sex in midlife
Featured Publications
Articles
- Shape.com: 6 Things Monogamous People Can Learn From Open Relationships
- Mind Body Green: A Couple's Guide to Having Healthy Expectations Around Valentine's Day
- Mind Body Green: The Subtle But Powerful Mindset Shift That Can Transform Your Sex Life
- Mind Body Green: 7 Resolutions For Couples to Make that Can Improve Their Sex Life
- Mind Body Green: Will an Emotional Affair Kill Your Relationship?
- Mind Body Green: Is An Open Relationship Right For You? An In-Depth Guide
- Mind Body Green: The 5 Most Common Sexual Concerns, According to a Sex Therapist
- Mind Body Green: The Holidays Can Be a War Zone for Relationships. Here's How to Come Out Stronger as a Couple
- Mind Body Green: Here's How to Figure out What REALLY Turns You On, According to a Sex Therapist
- Mind Body Green: Morning Sex is Good for Your Health. Here's How to Make it Happen
- Mind Body Green: How to Have a Productive Argument According to a Couple's Counselor
- Mind Body Green: Caught in the Sexual Avoidance Cycle? Here's how to break free
- Mind Body Green: 8 Steps Toward Healing When Your Relationship is Falling Apart
- Mind Body Green: In a long distance relationship? Here are 4 habits to make it work
- Well & Good: 3 Tips to Make Sure Sleeping in Separate Bedrooms Doesn't Turn Your SO into Your Roommate
- Refinery29: What It Really Means If You Dream About Cheating On Your Partner
- Refinery29: Yes, Your S.O. Can Be Your Best Friend
- Refinery29: Is the G-Spot a big lie? 3 experts weigh in
- Refinery29: How to sexually arouse yourself when you're not in the mood
- Prime Women: Is lack of sex behind mid-life divorce?
- Insider: Here's why you may feel pain after sex — and when you should worry about it
- Insider: Here's the surprisingly common reason why you might feel sad after sex
- Insider: 9 orgasm myths you need to stop believing
- Insider: 9 unexpected health benefits of masturbation
- ParentGuide CA: Sex without stress
- Hitched: Escaping the Sexual Avoidance Cycle
- Love Sujeiry: Resentful & Stopped Having Sex? Get It On Again With These Tips
- Marriage.com: How to Find the Best Sex Therapist – Expert Roundup
- Marriage.com: Bring Back Your Sex Drive by Understanding Your Elusive Libido
Sex and Intimacy Blog
Latest Posts
Initiation
Over the next few weeks, I am going to ask you and your partner to examine your unique sexual dance – the choreography you go through each time you have, or don’t have, sex. The goal is for you to gain some objective perspective about your patterns so that you are...
Your Unique Dance
The goal of my last series of blogs posts has been to help you and your partner uncover what it is about your lives, past and present, that has lead you into the sexual avoidance cycle. Hopefully after working through the topics I’ve presented, you have a better idea...
Gender and Sex
Issues of identity are often at play in our sex lives. Discovering yourself through your sexuality can be joyful and exciting, but you may also avoid sex if it raises identity questions that you don’t have answers to. Gender identity may be a cause of your difficulty...
Better Sex Podcast
Latest Episodes
#63: Ellen Duchesne – Third Stage Sex
As my guest Ellen Dechesne relates during this episode, sex in your later years, what is defined as the ‘third stage’ of your life, is a very important and relevant topic to consider. Listen to “63: Ellen Duchesne – Third Stage Sex” on Spreaker. A self-proclaimed late...
#62: Mariah Freya – Conscious Sex
My guest is Mariah Freya, the founder of Beducated.com, which is a website and repository of online courses, resources, and tantric-infused concepts for more conscious sex. And today, Mariah stops by to share with you and demystify Yoni and Lingam massage, various...
#61: Dr. Valerie Rein – Patriarchal Stress Disorder
My guest for this episode is Dr. Valerie Rein. She is an author, psychologist, and in addition, founded Her Genius, Inc. Through her work, she has coined the term Patriarchal Stress Disorder to capture and reflect upon the historical dynamic of predominantly...