Jessa Zimmerman

Therapist, Author, Speaker

Helping couples take the stress out of sex

Hi, I’m Jessa.

I’m passionate about helping couples find pleasure and connection in their sex lives.

My Story

I am a licensed couples’ counselor and nationally certified sex therapist. I work in private practice in Seattle, WA. Over the course of my therapy career, I have focused almost exclusively on helping couples with their emotional and sexual intimacy.

In my years of clinical experience, I have treated hundreds of couples who have struggled to feel sexual desire and fulfillment. My clients describe having a good relationship in other ways, but their sex life has become difficult to the point that they start to avoid sex. These are people who love each other but are struggling to have a sex life they both enjoy.

I specialize in helping these couples who find that sex has become stressful, negative, disappointing, or pressured. I educate, coach, and support people as they go through my 9-phase experiential process that allows them real world practice in changing their relationship and their sex life.

I received my Master’s in Psychology from LIOS college of Saybrook University and Sex Therapist certification from the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT). I have done extensive training in couples’ therapy, with a focus on Crucible® Therapy with Dr. David Schnarch.

I am the author of “Sex without stress; a couple’s guide to overcoming disappointment, avoidance, and pressure.” I am the host of the Better Sex Podcast and have appeared on numerous other podcasts as an expert guest. I am a regular contributor in the media as a sex and relationship expert, including Mind Body Green, Marriage.com, Refinery29, and Business Insider.

I live in Seattle with my partner and youngest child of three.

My Values & Beliefs

I believe that sex is important.

Sex is important. When people are happy with their sex life, it makes up about 20% of their relationship satisfaction. But when people are unhappy with their sex life, its importance jumps to about 70% of their entire relationship satisfaction. When a couple struggles with sex, it can become a big issue and take a significant toll on happiness for the people involved. Our sexuality is a birthright. Expressing it can be an experience of pleasure, connection, playfulness, creativity and love. It taps into a life force that is powerful and healing. Being cut off from our sexuality or being unable to express it, alone or with others, separates us from a part of ourselves that matters.

There is no better way to grow as a person that doing the work it takes to be successful in relationship.

We can do a lot of personal work, but it isn’t put to the test until we’re trying to navigate and negotiate a relationship with someone that matters to us. Our partnership is where we are tested and challenged to grow and mature. Our intimate relationship is our opportunity to learn about ourselves and to transform how we act and react in order to be better people.

I believe that respect can involve challenge.

While people should confront themselves first, there is also room to respectfully confront each other. This shows we believe someone can do better; we’re speaking the best part of them that could respond and step up. If we avoid challenge and directness, we effectively treat someone as if they aren’t competent to hear us and receive our feedback.

My Approach

I have a tremendous amount of compassion for people struggling with sex. I know how much fear you can feel when things aren’t going well. It’s easy to think you’re broken or that you’re with the wrong person. It takes courage to admit that and to take steps to change the problem. I have so much respect and admiration for anyone who can step through that fear to reach out for help.

I value being kind, approachable, and yet direct at the same time. I am good at developing rapport and understanding with clients, and I quickly put people at ease, letting you know that it’s completely normal to struggle in your intimate life.

I want to spread hope with the message that sex really can be easy. It’s possible to change how you think about sex – what it is, what it’s for, and how it goes – so that you cannot fail at it. Once you get there, sex can be stress-free and playful. My goal is to make the world a better place, one relationship at a time. Not only does out happiness increase, but we’re more able to make our own impact in the world when our relationship is solid.

Featured Publications

Articles

Sex and Intimacy Blog

Latest Posts

The Nine Phases of Taking the Stress Out of Sex

In last week’s blog, I described my Giver/Receiver exercise for couples. The utility of this exercise is not just in the doing, but also in the reflection on what happened for you and the debriefing with your partner. This is a chance to begin making things different....

The Giver/Receiver Exercise

My goal with this blog is offer you examples, tools, and insights for improving your sex life. If you have followed my posts for the last couple of months, you have been prompted to have many conversations with your partner about your history and your sex life. You...

How to Play Your Side of the Court

Last week, I wrote again about playing your own side of the court and offered some ideas about using that premise to deal with issues of desire discrepancy. Now I want to offer a few other examples of how you can play your side of the court in working through issues...

Better Sex Podcast

Latest Episodes

#70: DJ Burr [Personal Story] – Recovery Saved My Life

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, it is my honor to welcome DJ as he shares his personal journey with you. Having people come in and share the details of their life is one of the best parts of this platform! DJ is a therapist who works in the Seattle area. He...

#69: Dr. Lori Brotto – Mindfulness and Sex

My guest is Dr. Lori Brotto. She works at the University of British Columbia Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology. Lori has a Ph.D. in psychology with an emphasis in psychophysiology. She is a practicing psychologist and also spearheads a lab, which focuses on...

Don’t Wait Any Longer. Start Improving Your Intimate Relationship Today!

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