Jessa Zimmerman
Therapist, Author, SpeakerHelping couples take the stress out of sex
Hi, I’m Jessa.
I’m passionate about helping couples find pleasure and connection in their sex lives.
My Story
I am a licensed couples’ counselor and nationally certified sex therapist. I work in private practice in Seattle, WA. Over the course of my therapy career, I have focused almost exclusively on helping couples with their emotional and sexual intimacy.
In my years of clinical experience, I have treated hundreds of couples who have struggled to feel sexual desire and fulfillment. My clients describe having a good relationship in other ways, but their sex life has become difficult to the point that they start to avoid sex. These are people who love each other but are struggling to have a sex life they both enjoy.
I specialize in helping these couples who find that sex has become stressful, negative, disappointing, or pressured. I educate, coach, and support people as they go through my 9-phase experiential process that allows them real world practice in changing their relationship and their sex life.
I received my Master’s in Psychology from LIOS college of Saybrook University and Sex Therapist certification from the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT). I have done extensive training in couples’ therapy, with a focus on Crucible® Therapy with Dr. David Schnarch.
I am the author of “Sex without stress; a couple’s guide to overcoming disappointment, avoidance, and pressure.” I am the host of the Better Sex Podcast and have appeared on numerous other podcasts as an expert guest. I am a regular contributor in the media as a sex and relationship expert, including Mind Body Green, Marriage.com, Refinery29, and Business Insider.
I live in Seattle with my partner and youngest child of three.
My Values & Beliefs
I believe that sex is important.
Sex is important. When people are happy with their sex life, it makes up about 20% of their relationship satisfaction. But when people are unhappy with their sex life, its importance jumps to about 70% of their entire relationship satisfaction. When a couple struggles with sex, it can become a big issue and take a significant toll on happiness for the people involved. Our sexuality is a birthright. Expressing it can be an experience of pleasure, connection, playfulness, creativity and love. It taps into a life force that is powerful and healing. Being cut off from our sexuality or being unable to express it, alone or with others, separates us from a part of ourselves that matters.
There is no better way to grow as a person that doing the work it takes to be successful in relationship.
We can do a lot of personal work, but it isn’t put to the test until we’re trying to navigate and negotiate a relationship with someone that matters to us. Our partnership is where we are tested and challenged to grow and mature. Our intimate relationship is our opportunity to learn about ourselves and to transform how we act and react in order to be better people.
I believe that respect can involve challenge.
While people should confront themselves first, there is also room to respectfully confront each other. This shows we believe someone can do better; we’re speaking the best part of them that could respond and step up. If we avoid challenge and directness, we effectively treat someone as if they aren’t competent to hear us and receive our feedback.
My Approach
I have a tremendous amount of compassion for people struggling with sex. I know how much fear you can feel when things aren’t going well. It’s easy to think you’re broken or that you’re with the wrong person. It takes courage to admit that and to take steps to change the problem. I have so much respect and admiration for anyone who can step through that fear to reach out for help.
I value being kind, approachable, and yet direct at the same time. I am good at developing rapport and understanding with clients, and I quickly put people at ease, letting you know that it’s completely normal to struggle in your intimate life.
I want to spread hope with the message that sex really can be easy. It’s possible to change how you think about sex – what it is, what it’s for, and how it goes – so that you cannot fail at it. Once you get there, sex can be stress-free and playful. My goal is to make the world a better place, one relationship at a time. Not only does out happiness increase, but we’re more able to make our own impact in the world when our relationship is solid.
Interviews
TV Interviews
Let's Talk Live, WJLA - Holiday Stress
Valentine's Day - How to invest in your relationship
Good Morning Washington, WJLA - Is your passion crashin'?
Radio
- The Daily Drum (WHUR): Can your relationship survive the holidays?
- Love, Lust & Laughter: Sex Without Stress, Part 2
- Love, Lust & Laughter: Sex Without Stress, Part 1
Video
Podcast Appearances
- Grapefruit and Granola: Tips for improving your relationships
- This is why you're single: Sex without stress
- Beautifully Equipped: Sex myths and intimacy barriers
- SuperPower U: Manifesting
- Health Reporter: Sexual intimacy
- Sexology: Signs of a healthy sex life
- Keepin' It Juicy: Sex over 50
- Sacred Psychology: Sex and intimacy
- Divorce Survival Podcast: Let's talk about sex
- Women in the Middle: Midlife, mindfulness, and sex
- I Do Podcast: Avoid these common sex life pitfalls
- Real Souls: Sex, myths and porn
- I Do Podcast: New relationship rules
- Smashing the Ceiling: Sex, shame and sexual games
- Science of Self Help: Sex therapy with Jessa
- Sexy Marriage Radio: When sex feels like work
- Thrival Nutrition: Improving your sex life with your partner
- Dream Permit Podcast: Keeping sex alive in marriage
- Heart & Hustle: What I do as a sex therapist and Why!!
- Naked Conversations: Better sex with Jessa Zimmerman
- Piloting Your Life: Removing expectations and redefining sex in midlife
- Sacred Psychology: Sex without stress
- The Skin You're In: A healthy sex life
- The Skin You're In: Taking the stress out of sex
- Girl Boner: How to break the sexual avoidance cycle
- Doing Divorce Right: How to amazing sex without the pressure
Featured Publications
Articles
- Shape.com: 6 Things Monogamous People Can Learn From Open Relationships
- Mind Body Green: A Couple's Guide to Having Healthy Expectations Around Valentine's Day
- Mind Body Green: The Subtle But Powerful Mindset Shift That Can Transform Your Sex Life
- Mind Body Green: Why Parents Should Make Sex a Priority (and 6 ways to do it)
- Mind Body Green: This is the right way to apologize to your partner
- Mind Body Green: 7 Resolutions For Couples to Make that Can Improve Their Sex Life
- Mind Body Green: Will an Emotional Affair Kill Your Relationship?Mind Body Green: Is An Open Relationship Right For You? An In-Depth Guide
- Mind Body Green: The 5 Most Common Sexual Concerns, According to a Sex Therapist
- Mind Body Green: The Holidays Can Be a War Zone for Relationships. Here's How to Come Out Stronger as a Couple
- Mind Body Green: Here's How to Figure out What REALLY Turns You On, According to a Sex Therapist
- Mind Body Green: Morning Sex is Good for Your Health. Here's How to Make it Happen
- Mind Body Green: How to Have a Productive Argument According to a Couple's Counselor
- Mind Body Green: Caught in the Sexual Avoidance Cycle? Here's how to break free
- Mind Body Green: 8 Steps Toward Healing When Your Relationship is Falling Apart
- Mind Body Green: In a long distance relationship? Here are 4 habits to make it work
- Well & Good: 3 Tips to Make Sure Sleeping in Separate Bedrooms Doesn't Turn Your SO into Your Roommate
- Blood and Milk: Sex slumps and dry spells
- Refinery29: What It Really Means If You Dream About Cheating On Your Partner
- Refinery29: Yes, Your S.O. Can Be Your Best Friend
- Refinery29: Is the G-Spot a big lie? 3 experts weigh in
- Refinery29: How to sexually arouse yourself when you're not in the mood
- Prime Women: Is lack of sex behind mid-life divorce?
- Insider: Here's why you may feel pain after sex — and when you should worry about it
- Insider: Here's the surprisingly common reason why you might feel sad after sex
- Insider: 9 orgasm myths you need to stop believing
- Insider: 9 unexpected health benefits of masturbation
- Swipe Life: Is there a right way to fight?
- ParentGuide CA: Sex without stress
- Hitched: Escaping the Sexual Avoidance Cycle
- Love Sujeiry: Resentful & Stopped Having Sex? Get It On Again With These Tips
- Marriage.com: How to Find the Best Sex Therapist – Expert Roundup
- Marriage.com: Bring Back Your Sex Drive by Understanding Your Elusive Libido
- DatingAdvice.com: Take Your Relationship to the Next Level
Sex and Intimacy Blog
Latest Posts
Playing your side of the court
It’s important to work as a team on your issues, but it’s also important to focus on your own part! Confront yourself first, focus on you, and yet collaborate. [embedded content]
Sexual Satisfaction Scale
This new tool is a great way to talk to your partner about what you each value in sex. You spend time identifying what makes your sex life the most satisfying (and the least), examine the themes that are relevant to you, and then discuss with your partner. This may...
This is how to apologize to your partner
Originally written for Mind Body Green – https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/how-to-say-sorry-right-way-to-apologize-to-your-partner A good apology can make a world of difference in repairing the rifts that all relationships encounter. But it’s easy to miss the...
Better Sex Podcast
Latest Episodes
#103 – Finding Your Yes – Pamela Madsen
Finding Your Yes Pamela Madsen joins me on this episode about the importance of finding your YES. Pamela explains the conditioning women undergo, which rewards them for saying no and ignoring their desires. By 50, Pamela had tried over 300 diets and is therefore...
#102 – Medical Treatment for Menopause – Dr. Rebecca Dunsmoor-Su
Medical Treatments for Menopause Dr. Rebecca Dunsmoor works in Seattle, Washington as an OBGYN specializing in diagnosing and treating unwelcome symptoms of menopause. The North American Menopause Society acknowledges her as a certified menopause practitioner and...
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#101 – [Personal Story] – Healing from Abuse – Toni
Healing From Abuse My guest, whom I call Toni in this episode, is here to share a personal story of abuse and eventual transformation. Within the interview, she shares a lot of difficult episodes and traumas in her life in a brave and transparent way. You will get a...