Jessa Zimmerman

Therapist, Author, Speaker

Helping couples take the stress out of sex

Hi, I’m Jessa.

I’m passionate about helping couples find pleasure and connection in their sex lives.

My Story

I am a licensed couples’ counselor and nationally certified sex therapist. I work in private practice in Seattle, WA. Over the course of my therapy career, I have focused almost exclusively on helping couples with their emotional and sexual intimacy.

In my years of clinical experience, I have treated hundreds of couples who have struggled to feel sexual desire and fulfillment. My clients describe having a good relationship in other ways, but their sex life has become difficult to the point that they start to avoid sex. These are people who love each other but are struggling to have a sex life they both enjoy.

I specialize in helping these couples who find that sex has become stressful, negative, disappointing, or pressured. I educate, coach, and support people as they go through my 9-phase experiential process that allows them real world practice in changing their relationship and their sex life.

I received my Master’s in Psychology from LIOS college of Saybrook University and Sex Therapist certification from the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT). I have done extensive training in couples’ therapy, with a focus on Crucible® Therapy with Dr. David Schnarch.

I am the author of “Sex without stress; a couple’s guide to overcoming disappointment, avoidance, and pressure.” I am the host of the Better Sex Podcast and have appeared on numerous other podcasts as an expert guest. I am a regular contributor in the media as a sex and relationship expert, including Mind Body Green, Marriage.com, Refinery29, and Business Insider.

I live in Seattle with my partner and youngest child of three.

My Values & Beliefs

I believe that sex is important.

Sex is important. When people are happy with their sex life, it makes up about 20% of their relationship satisfaction. But when people are unhappy with their sex life, its importance jumps to about 70% of their entire relationship satisfaction. When a couple struggles with sex, it can become a big issue and take a significant toll on happiness for the people involved. Our sexuality is a birthright. Expressing it can be an experience of pleasure, connection, playfulness, creativity and love. It taps into a life force that is powerful and healing. Being cut off from our sexuality or being unable to express it, alone or with others, separates us from a part of ourselves that matters.

There is no better way to grow as a person that doing the work it takes to be successful in relationship.

We can do a lot of personal work, but it isn’t put to the test until we’re trying to navigate and negotiate a relationship with someone that matters to us. Our partnership is where we are tested and challenged to grow and mature. Our intimate relationship is our opportunity to learn about ourselves and to transform how we act and react in order to be better people.

I believe that respect can involve challenge.

While people should confront themselves first, there is also room to respectfully confront each other. This shows we believe someone can do better; we’re speaking the best part of them that could respond and step up. If we avoid challenge and directness, we effectively treat someone as if they aren’t competent to hear us and receive our feedback.

My Approach

I have a tremendous amount of compassion for people struggling with sex. I know how much fear you can feel when things aren’t going well. It’s easy to think you’re broken or that you’re with the wrong person. It takes courage to admit that and to take steps to change the problem. I have so much respect and admiration for anyone who can step through that fear to reach out for help.

I value being kind, approachable, and yet direct at the same time. I am good at developing rapport and understanding with clients, and I quickly put people at ease, letting you know that it’s completely normal to struggle in your intimate life.

I want to spread hope with the message that sex really can be easy. It’s possible to change how you think about sex – what it is, what it’s for, and how it goes – so that you cannot fail at it. Once you get there, sex can be stress-free and playful. My goal is to make the world a better place, one relationship at a time. Not only does out happiness increase, but we’re more able to make our own impact in the world when our relationship is solid.

Interviews

TV Interviews

Let's Talk Live, WJLA - Holiday Stress

Valentine's Day - How to invest in your relationship

Good Morning Washington, WJLA - Is your passion crashin'?

Radio

Video

Hezalia TV

Featured Publications

Articles

Sex and Intimacy Blog

Latest Posts

Playing your side of the court

It’s important to work as a team on your issues, but it’s also important to focus on your own part! Confront yourself first, focus on you, and yet collaborate. [embedded content]

Sexual Satisfaction Scale

Sexual Satisfaction Scale

This new tool is a great way to talk to your partner about what you each value in sex. You spend time identifying what makes your sex life the most satisfying (and the least), examine the themes that are relevant to you, and then discuss with your partner. This may...

This is how to apologize to your partner

This is how to apologize to your partner

Originally written for Mind Body Green – https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/how-to-say-sorry-right-way-to-apologize-to-your-partner A good apology can make a world of difference in repairing the rifts that all relationships encounter. But it’s easy to miss the...

Better Sex Podcast

Latest Episodes

#87 – [Soapbox] – You are not broken

#87 – [Soapbox] – You are not broken

I get back on my soapbox this week to talk about something I think is important. So many people feel broken or like something is wrong with them when they struggle with sex, but this is not true.  Listen to “87: [Soapbox] – You Are Not Broken” on Spreaker. All couples...

#85 – [Soapbox] – Talking about Sex with your Partner

#85 – [Soapbox] – Talking about Sex with your Partner

On this episode, I focus on talking about sex with your partner when things are not going well. It can be uncomfortable to bring up sexual issues with your partner, and it’s for this reason that I have developed a guide that you can access with the link at the end of...

#84: Martha Kauppi – Sexual Desire Issues

#84: Martha Kauppi – Sexual Desire Issues

Sexual Desire Issues My guest today is Martha Kauppi, who is a certified sex therapist and supervisor. Through her practice in Wisconsin, she focuses largely on relationships and how they can affect sex, and vice versa. In addition, she has a background in healthcare,...

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