Last week, I ask you and your partner to begin discussing your patterns around sex. Next, let’s address how you both communicate about sex at this point in your relationship.
How Do You Talk About Sex?
It’s probably difficult for the two of you to honestly talk about your sex life now that sex itself has become difficult. You may have been avoiding this conversation for a long time and have some well-worn techniques for keeping it at bay. I want you to go through these questions and be as real as possible about how you have handled the topic of the sexual issues in your relationship. You’re hurting yourself the most if you hold back or hide. Apply some focused thought to these questions:
- What happens when one of you tries to talk about sex? Who does that and how? When? How often?
- Do you have a conversation about it or find a way to deflect? How is it deflected?
- Does one of you bring up something unrelated to divert the talk? Does the other person persist or allow themselves to be diverted?
- If you do talk about your sex life, are you being real and honest about what’s happening? Do you blame your partner? Do you blame it on other circumstances in your life?
- Are you being direct about your thoughts and feelings or holding them back because you’re afraid to tell your partner?
- When your partner is talking to you, how much are you willing to accept a cover story or a surface explanation? Are you afraid to hear them say the truth?
- Do you both collude to keep the conversation on relatively safe ground?