STUCK IN A CYCLE OF SEXUAL AVOIDANCE?

 

Free Training: How to Escape the Sexual Avoidance Cycle

  • Discover the most common pitfalls that send you into a cycle of sexual avoidance. (If you focus on these traps, you can completely change how you interact around intimacy.)
  • Learn the three phases of sexual avoidance – and how you can escape the vicious cycle that keeps you disconnected from your partner.
  • See how to easily create an alliance so you can work as a team to make your intimate life engaging for you both (and improve your relationship in the process).
  • Get a free copy of the “How to Talk to Your Partner about Your Sexual Concerns”
  • Get a chance to ask questions during our live Q&A session.

 

I’m jessa zimmerman

Certified sex therapist, couples counselor, author & speaker

Helping couples take the stress out of sex

The Book

I wrote Sex Without Stress to bring hope and transformation to all the couples out there who have a great relationship but who are struggling with sex.  By changing the way you think about sex and using my 9 phase experiential process, you can transform your sex life into something you both enjoy. You can take the stress out of sex!

The Course

Based on my new book, this 10 week course is designed to support couples through a process of transforming their sex lives through webinar teaching, structured at home conversations and exercises, and live online office hours for questions and input. The perfect option if you prefer auditory learning or accountability.

Sex Without Stress

My new book helps you understand why you’re stuck with sex and what you can do about it.

l

Online Course

A 10 week program that walks you through the process in my book, allowing you to transform your sex life.

Better Sex Podcast

A weekly show that features interviews with experts who share their knowledge and regular people who share their stories.

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Therapy

Couples counseling and sex therapy in my in person private practice in Seattle or online sessions for Washington State residents.

Just released!

Sex Without Stress™:

A couple’s guide to overcoming disappointment, avoidance & pressure

Understand the sexual avoidance cycle

Change your mindset so you cannot fail

Explore how your past has shaped your current challenges

Learn the touching exercise that will transform your sex life

Sex Without Stress™ Online Course

Ten weeks to a better sex life!

Based on my new book, this course is designed to support couples through a process of transforming their sex lives through webinar teaching, structured at home conversations and exercises, and live online office hours for questions and input.

What is included?

This is a 10-week course, with 7 webinars that can be watched live or at your convenience. The webinars will be offered on Monday afternoons at 5:00 pm Pacific time but also recorded and available for later viewing. Begins Sept. 16, 2019.

There will be 6 online open office hours offered at various times during the course. They will be held on Saturday mornings at 8am Pacific time. This gives you the chance to ask questions and get support specific to your situation. Questions can be submitted in advance, and recording will be available.

There will be written materials available for each module, giving you cheat sheets, conversation framework, and exercise directions.

What does it cost?

$397.00 per couple and includes all materials and live online office hours.

Who is this for?

I have designed this course to help great couples—couples just like you—who wish their sex lives were great, too. What makes you a great couple? When at least some of these apply:

• You are still friends, even best friends. • You manage something well together: you co-parent successfully, you manage your money, or you are cooperative partners in the home. • You can still have fun together. • You have a great relationship, separate from sex. • You can talk about most things. • You share a basic kindness and decency with each other.

This is not to say the two of you never quarrel, or that there aren’t some problems in your relationship. But to get the most out of this book, you will need to have a solid foundation. If you have goodwill, love, and respect but don’t know what to do to address your sex life, this course can help.

If this doesn’t sound like your relationship, though, it may not be time to use this course. John Gottman, a famous researcher of marital stability, writes about what he calls the four horsemen of the apocalypse: defensiveness, stonewalling, contempt, and criticism. These behaviors are good indications of bigger issues in your relationship that will need to be addressed before you can work as a team to tackle your sexual issues. Find a good therapist and get some help, so you can be honest about your issues and learn how to interact as allies. If you do not feel good about the person you are or the person you’re with, it’s going to be difficult to change your situation—because to transform your sex life, it is more effective if you work together.

Do I need to do this with my partner?

Yes. Because all this material is being presented in just 8 weeks, it’s important that you and your partner are working as a team as you proceed. The book, coming out this fall, can be used as guidance if you’re doing this on your own.

Sex Without Stress™ Course Testimonials

“Being asked to slow down and explore together our emotional, family, and sexual histories, made it easier for us to be compassionate to ourselves”

“We were able to overcome these feelings by being honest, and I think it actually brought us closer because it made us understand where each of us was coming from during sex”

” Talking about our upbringing and connecting those experiences with our present relational experiences was really eye-opening”

Sex and Intimacy Blog

Latest Posts

Playing your side of the court

It’s important to work as a team on your issues, but it’s also important to focus on your own part! Confront yourself first, focus on you, and yet collaborate. [embedded content]

Sexual Satisfaction Scale

Sexual Satisfaction Scale

This new tool is a great way to talk to your partner about what you each value in sex. You spend time identifying what makes your sex life the most satisfying (and the least), examine the themes that are relevant to you, and then discuss with your partner. This may...

This is how to apologize to your partner

This is how to apologize to your partner

Originally written for Mind Body Green – https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/how-to-say-sorry-right-way-to-apologize-to-your-partner A good apology can make a world of difference in repairing the rifts that all relationships encounter. But it’s easy to miss the...

Better Sex Podcast

Latest Episodes

#87 – [Soapbox] – You are not broken

#87 – [Soapbox] – You are not broken

I get back on my soapbox this week to talk about something I think is important. So many people feel broken or like something is wrong with them when they struggle with sex, but this is not true.  Listen to “87: [Soapbox] – You Are Not Broken” on Spreaker. All couples...

#85 – [Soapbox] – Talking about Sex with your Partner

#85 – [Soapbox] – Talking about Sex with your Partner

On this episode, I focus on talking about sex with your partner when things are not going well. It can be uncomfortable to bring up sexual issues with your partner, and it’s for this reason that I have developed a guide that you can access with the link at the end of...

#84: Martha Kauppi – Sexual Desire Issues

#84: Martha Kauppi – Sexual Desire Issues

Sexual Desire Issues My guest today is Martha Kauppi, who is a certified sex therapist and supervisor. Through her practice in Wisconsin, she focuses largely on relationships and how they can affect sex, and vice versa. In addition, she has a background in healthcare,...

About Me

I help people who long to share a great sex life with their partner, but who find themselves feeling distant, disconnected, anxious or at odds about sex instead.

 

I guide people through a process to understand their own needs and desires in relationship, as well their individual contribution to the problems, so that they can make their sex life as good as the rest of their relationship. I know from my years in practice focused on couples & sex that no matter how stuck you might feel right now, sex can be a joy instead of the elephant in the room. I believe that strong, healthy, fulfilling relationships make the world a better place.

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Online Resources

Sex & Intimacy Blog

Weekly written and video posts that bring you information and inspiration for your best sex life

Better Sex Podcast

A weekly podcast featuring interviews with experts sharing their knowledge and with regular people sharing their stories

Free Sex Quiz

How healthy is your sex life? Take this free 30 question quiz to find your sex life rated over five important factors

Couples & Sex Therapy Seattle Private Practice

Invest in your relationship.

When your intimate life suffers, your whole life suffers. Whatever it is that you are missing, or concerned about, can cast a dark shadow on what otherwise might be a wonderful relationship.

I help couples who have a good relationship but who are avoiding sex because it’s become stressful, negative, disappointing, or pressured.

I have the skills and experience to help you figure out how to improve your relationship and your sex life.  Together, we’ll work to create the changes — both emotional and physical — you need in order to add pleasure, joy, and intimacy to your relationship.

Don’t continue to struggle on your own.  Let me help!

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